im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
