In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
