he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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