it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize