no. you can't hotbox the world.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
