This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
