So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
