he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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