I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
