i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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