the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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