i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
