I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
