Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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