Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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