the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
