I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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