Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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