gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
