No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
