Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
