Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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