FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
