I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
