went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
