somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
