I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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