ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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