So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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