Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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