Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
