You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
