Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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