I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
