White coat. Heels.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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