im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
did you just send me my own nude
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
