I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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