everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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