Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
