Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
