Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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