Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
