The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
