i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
