Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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