You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
