chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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