I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
where am i from again
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
