he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
