I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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