So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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