I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
