I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
