Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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