when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
COCAINE IS GR8
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
