two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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