i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
