My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
