i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
