The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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