Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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