Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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