like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
