Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
