Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize