just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
