just come out here and I will go home with you...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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