The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
