david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
